Justice and Equality for who?
This piece was initially written in June 2020, in response to the killing of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd earlier this year. It remains relevant whether it was written six years ago or six days from now.
We are raised with the ideology of the United States as the land of the free, a just and fair country that is accountable to their population. This narrative emphasizes believing in our system, due process and justice always being served. Yet as a black child I also heard another narrative of what happened to people who looked like me throughout history. This directly opposed this ideology of justice and equality hammered into my brain by the education system. Yet, you try to make sense of these conflicting narratives and so you cling to the idea that those injustices are in the past and no longer are relevant today. However, there seems to always be a moment when the historical injustices of the past meets the present for black folks and slaps them awake like a cold shower.……..
It’s 2012, and I’m 23 years old when Trayvon Martin was killed. I remember thinking that there was no way his killer could get away with murder. The narrative again played in my head that was embedded since elementary school of justice and fairness in the U.S. Even though historically the outcome of individuals/groups being held responsible for the crimes against black people have taught me otherwise…..surely in 2012 this will not be the case. I was sitting in a movie theatre and as the previews scrolled, my husband leaned over to me and whispered “he got away with it.” I felt a coldness spread in my spine and the popcorn I ingested just seconds ago threatened to return. As the initial shock subsided it made room for my pure rage and contempt for the lack of value placed on black lives. I felt like someone had physically cut me, and now there was an open wound that was bleeding out with no way of stopping. The modern world no longer made sense. Injustices could not just be explained away as the past. The pure rage and hurt could be felt pulsating physically through my body. The murder of Mike Brown will follow closely and that pain will continue. As the years went by and more black lives are lost with no accountability for the murders my hurt deepened……
It is 2020 and my younger brother is now 22 years old when he hears the news about the recent killings of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd. That moment where the injustices of the past meets the present happened for my brother as he watched videos of these men being murdered. As he attempts to make sense at how their killers were not in custody or yet charged, the emotional and psychological pain takes over. He is filled with rage and hurt that rocks his 6’4 230lb frame. I can feel the energy of those emotions and the internal wound that has now opened and is spilling out of my brother.
I often question where this hurt and pain goes for black people? The trauma of viewing those that look like you being killed in the street and the systems that preach justice holding no one accountable play in our heads like an outdated script. Do we hold these traumas in our body? Compartmentalize to survive the day? Even a catharsis of emotion expressed through protests and rioting doesn’t come close to healing the trauma. The trauma that often manifests and sits in our guts and chests when being continuously exposed to racial terror.
What we hear as black people is our lives and ways of being are dispensable. We having been fighting to be seen as fully human since the conception of the United States. We are fighting against a long developed embedded narrative of white supremacy. Fighting against a narrative that has been taught about equality, justice and due process; yet, the race social contract is still upheld, which dismisses, distorts and disregards black lives. The social contract that upholds the rights and innocence of white people, while black people are presumed guilty until proven otherwise. Our rights as black people end where whiteness begins, and this is the same social conditioning that continues to be perpetuated in our society. Black people do not have the privilege to not challenge the false narrative of “justice for all” and “land of the free”. We are confronted early with the reality that the two narratives presented to us do not match. We face the reality of our communities being a target of hate and discrimination; while the ones pulling the trigger have bought into a mis-shaped reality of justice and equality. We fight against the reality of having to justify our existence in spaces. The black community is TIRED! We have been fighting for 400 years, 9 months and 3 days. While we wait for the majority to confront these false ideologies black and brown people are drowning in the hypocrisy of these ideals.
